The Biggest Misunderstanding

It’s either true or not, all or nothing.

The biggest misunderstanding is that when you claim birth order determines personality is a myth, people assume that there is no relation what so ever. But there is. And it all lies in the hand of our parents. Scary, I know. Like I said before, just because you were born the first into the family does not mean that you will for sure be the smartest child in the family. However, if your parents give you all the resources possible to excel in life and don’t do the same for your younger siblings, then chances are you will be the smartest. And same thing goes for the youngster in the family. If the parents are much more laid back with the youngest than they were for their other children, that child will grow up with less boundaries and naturally fall into the “wild child” role. I do realize I’m being redundant when I say this, but it’s all up to the parents.

And even if you did know this about the myth, there are still misunderstandings that lie within parenting. The misconception is that you need to treat each child differently based on the order they were born, to be extra careful not to hurt their feelings or forget to show them love. While doing research, I stumbled upon an article devoted entirely to this and instructions on how to raise each one differently. Parents, do not do this! Treat each child the same with the same rules and show them the same amount of love and they will grow to be who they are meant to be.

So What?

Who cares if anyone believes this myth or not? It’s not hurting anyone, is it?

Well actually it could. Put aside all the sad middle children out there and think about the other factors. Once you believe fully that this is who you should be, it’s all over. If there is no point in breaking the stereotype, why try? Believing you have a pre determined destiny to be the person described by these traits can be the harm. If the first born believes that they are destined to be this great leader with all the brains in the world, they might feel too much pressure to live up to that kind of future. They might even think there is something wrong with them if when they realize who they are supposed to be, they are currently a thirty something year old still living at home flipping burgers.

And what if the middle child is totally fine the way they are until one day they hear they are the misfit of the family. They had never noticed it before but now that they know, they begin to look for the clues that they had been so oblivious to before. They could find the most miniscule hint at a problem and use it as proof that they are indeed the misfit and begin to alienate themselves from the family.

And honestly, what’s so bad about knowing that you are charming and loved by most everyone that you meet? Well, a lot actually. Having some article or believer of the myth tell you how well liked you are can only inflate your head. And after that, you may go around not caring about your actions, thinking “well this is who I am and everyone loves it.” This false ego boost can actually cause the opposite, people will like the youngest less if they act all high and mighty.

Media

Most everyone has seen the movie 10 Thing I Hate About You. This is the perfect example of the myth being played out in the media. You have the older sister, Kat, the responsible daughter who doesn’t care what people think. She spends most of her time on her studies determined to get into the college of her dreams, Sarah Lawrence. And then there is the younger sister Bianca. The popular girl at school that spends most of her time thinking about boys and the rest of it figuring ways to get around the strict rules that her father set, rules that Kat graciously follows. These characters fall right into the stereotypes that go along with the myth, the academically driven oldest child and the loveable wild younger child.

Need more proof? How about Full House. I know that everyone has seen this show and can pinpoint right off the bat how each daughter portrays these traits. Let’s start with the youngest for a change. Little Michelle Tanner. Who didn’t love her and her catch phrase “You got it dude”? True she was about 5 when the show ended and there is no way to not love a toddler, but still, you loved her. And how about Stephanie. It may be coincidence that there weren’t many shows centered around her. If you’re like me then all that you imagine when you think of her is the cute little curly haired blonde going around saying “how rude.” Later in the show she didn’t stand out much either, though. Probably because of the peacemaker quality associated with the middle children, if there was no conflict for her, she was shown much. And then there is DJ. Good ole DJ with her huge bangs. Cleary the oldest child always taking control and looking out for her sisters. And when they got into mischief, almost every episode, it was DJ that came to the rescue and solved the problem.

Maybe neither of these portrayals on purpose or perhaps they were. Either way, it feeds into the myth that there are set personality traits for each child.

History

So who started all of this? Where did it come from? Why does this myth even exist??

One of the first theorists to suggest that birth order influences personality was Alfred Adler. His argument was that birth order can leave an impression on one’s style of life, including the way they handle situations such as friendship, work, and love. He claimed that when a second child comes into the picture, the first born are “dethroned” and that may influence them forever. According to Adler, the younger children and only children are spoiled and pampered, which can affect their personalities. Additional birth order factors that he considered are the spacing in years between siblings, the total number of children in the family, and the changing circumstances of the parents over time.

Since Adler's time, the influence of birth order on the development of personality has become a controversial issue in psychology. One of the more modern theories on personality states is the big five. The big five traits are openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. These traits are most commonly used in more recent approaches and are often used as a measure when performing studies.

How Should I Think About It?

Let’s forget the whole birth order determines personality thing and focus on the parents. After all, they are the ones that raise us. And that upbringing had more to do with who we are than the order we were born into the family.

The oldest child obviously had the run of the house until the next one came along. They had their parents’ undivided attention. All the love and affection in the world. Then it all changes, mom brings home a baby brother or sister and it’s all over. They are now mommy’s little helper, beginning their responsibilities early, and later they will become the built in babysitter. Then one day mom comes home with another new baby brother or sister. (Side note: the day my little sister came home from the hospital, my brother took a rock and scratched up the side of my mom’s car). This new baby will always be the baby, but will not always be babied. You follow? Mom and dad will always think of them as their precious little angel and give them all their love when they are the last left living at home. By their third child, mom and dad think they have this whole parenting thing figured out. They know all the tricks and become more laid back. The youngest, therefore, has less discipline as the older two did growing up. They are more free to do as they please, leading to their “wild child” persona.

This is where parents go wrong. They parent all their children differently. The oldest gets stuck with all the responsibility of helping out around the house and watching the others when the parents are out. The baby doesn’t get the amount of discipline and orders that the others got. And what about the middle child? What leads to this “middle child syndrome”? Perhaps it’s because they don’t remember ever having all of mom and dad’s undivided attention the way the other two do. Whatever the reason, the better way to think about this myth would be in terms of the parent and their parenting styles.

Watch Out!

Mind traps ahead!

So why do so many people believe the myth? Perhaps it is because they have all fallen victim to all the mind traps out there.

The first is the confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is a selective type of thinking. One will look for the information that supports what they already believe to be true and ignore the information that does not. For example, imagine if you believed that all dogs were too wild to live inside your home. While doing research, you would ignore all the information that pertained to calm quiet dogs and focus all your attention on the stories of dogs that tore apart their owner’s couch. Obviously that is enough to make you never let a dog in your house. Many people can fall into this trap when thinking about the birth order myth. If you have a trait in mind about another person, then you will seek the evidence that fits into what you already believe. Doesn’t make sense? Say I already know that my little sister gets along with just about everyone that she meets. If I look into the myth and see what her traits supposedly are, I will come across the notion that she is said to be loveable and ignore the manipulative trait also associated with the youngest.

Next there is the self serving bias. This is by far the easiest one to fall into. Self serving bias is only noticing the information that benefits you personally and your successes. Basically, everything good said about you is totally true. Unfortunately, as I said before, my brother and sister fell victim to this the second I read them their first traits. And why wouldn’t they? Doesn’t everyone want to believe that every redeeming quality read about them is one hundred percent true? But I bet that not everyone would jump all over the chance to believe this myth if their bad qualities were brought into the light the way us poor neglected middle children have ours.

And finally there is inferring causation from correlation. This says that because A came before B, A must have caused B. Wrong. Let’s all pretend for a minute that my brother is the smartest of us three. He is the oldest, and he is the smartest. But he is not the smartest BECAUSE he is the oldest. The two facts just happen to coincide with each other.

What People Mean

The basic belief is quite explanatory. People believe that just because they know the order that one person was born into the family then they can pinpoint that person’s character traits.

I’ve already briefly mentioned the common traits relating to each child, but let’s take a closer look. The eldest child is said to be the natural leader of the family. They are very serious and determined as well as goal oriented and quite responsible. This responsibility and leader instinct often leads to a bossy attitude later in life, especially with their younger siblings.

The middle child is much more than the poor misfit of the family. They are said to be laid back, outgoing, and social and will often turn more towards their peers to lean on rather than their parents. They are most commonly the peacemaker but often find themselves to be quite competitive, trying to get out of the shadow of their older sibling. They are also said to be the most likely to move far away from home once they are adults.

And then there’s the youngest of the family. The baby that everyone will always think of as being a child. They are charming and affectionate, leading to their lovable quality. By now the parents have the whole parenting thing under control and become more lax when it comes to the youngest child. This lack of discipline leads to the care free wild child aspect often associated with the baby of the family.

And don’t think I forgot about you sibling-less children. You are special. Seriously, that’s what the myth believes. You are the one and only chance your parents have at parenting and they will not mess it up. You are described as creative and a perfectionist with strong language skills. Are you are quite comfortable around adults because you have spent most your time growing up with your parents.

People wrongly assume that these are the roles that are set for each child. They believe that it is true, not a myth.

Why Do I Care?

I personally care about myth because of the fact that I have one older brother and one younger sister. That makes me smack dab in the middle and, supposedly, the poor neglected middle child that doesn’t quite belong to the family. Perhaps if I wasn’t the middle child I wouldn’t care as much. I would take my intelligent role as the eldest or my care free lovable spirit as the baby and run with it.

When I first picked the topic I figured that it would be easy seeing as my family has three children and it would be simple to compare all my findings to each of our personalities. Once I began to research the myth it was easy to see that either my family is just an exception to the myth or the myth is simply that, a myth.

When I told my brother and sister what I was researching and what the myth says about them, they got smiles on their faces, hearing all about their good traits. But like I said before, it’s easier to accept being smart or lovable rather than the misfit. So what I hope to find is basically something to wipe those smiles off their faces. I will explore the myth tirelessly until I find evidence that birth order plays no role in the personalities that each child has.

To Read or Not To Read.

Seeing as this is a popular subject on the internet as anyone can relate to it, it’s easy to get lost in the swarm of articles that hit you once you type the words “Birth Order” into Google. So before you head out and try to do some research of your own here are some articles that will help you along and some that will just slow you down.

First, let’s start with what to stay away from.

Birth Order Personality Traits. All Sands. http://www.allsands.com/kids/birthorderpers_rgw_gn.htm

The first thing wrong with this article is that it in no way is credible. There are no references made after all that it claims, not even one author is listed. The second problem is that it didn’t even get the myth right. It did mention the basics, birth order can determine personality, but the specific personalities that go with each child were different than any of the scholarly articles that I have reviewed. Then after saying that parents mold the personalities of each child, it goes in depth on how parents should raise each child differently. I highly doubt that parents that have at least three children are going to take the time to learn how to raise each of them in different ways.

Fiasse, Laure and Saroglou, Vassilis. (2002). Birth Order, Personality, and Religion: A Study Among Young Adults from a Three-Sibling Family. Belgium.

This study focused on the differences between middle born and last born children. But I would not recommend this study because it has a factor that makes it biased. Their mother. The mother was to answer questions regarding her children and their personalities. Obviously no mother is going to participate in a study and point out the negative qualities in her children let alone say that one excels over the other. Coincidentally, in the end, the mothers said that their children were more conscientious and less neurotic when describing them according to the big five personality traits.

Freese, Jeremy; Powell, Brian; Steelman, Lala Carr. (1999). Rebel Without a Cause Effect: Birth Order and Social Attitudes. American Sociological Review; 64, 2; Research Library Core. pg. 207.

This is the perfect article to read if you want to hear the author go on and on about the study that another man performed. Unless you have read all about the study done by Sulloway and know every detail about it, you will be very lost in reading this article. The entire article talks about Sulloway’s study and after reading the first 3 or 4 pages I was surprised to find that this article was actually also study itself and not just a peer review of Sulloway. However, there was about a page worth of text that didn’t mention Sulloway, but in that text the authors mention approximately 20 other authors and studies while still not saying much of anything. Needless to say, in the end I hadn’t learned anything by reading it.

With that out of the way, we can focus on where to go to get helpful information.

Frank J. Sulloway. (2007). Birth Order and Intelligence. Psychology. Vol317.

Coincidentally, I next read a different article by Sulloway and found it a useful source. After performing a study regarding intelligence in families his results were in line with finding that the myth is true, kind of. However, the approach that he takes gives new light to the myth and brings in new ways to look at the possibilities behind the results that can prove the myth but at the same time don’t. He also finds ways to look at current standing theories in a new light. The article brings in different perspectives and I now see why the authors from the previous study talked about Sulloway so much.

Dunkel, Curtis S. , Harbke, Colin R. , Papini, Dennis R., (2009). Direct and Indirect Effects of Birth Order on Personality and Identity: Support for the Null Hypothesis. The Journal of Genetic Psychology. New York. Vol. 170, Iss. 2; pg. 159, 17 pgs.

This is a helpful article because it addresses all the variables that go along with birth order such as parent age, age gap between siblings, education level, parental investment and identification. The multiple methods used gave a better understanding of the various factors that have to be considered in the topic. The article clearly shows that adequate time and effort went into the study in order to ensure that all variables are accounted for. It is specific and to the point and easy to follow along when reading.

Dixon, Melissa M., Reyes, Carla J., Leppert, Mark F., and Pappas, Lisa M., (2007). Personality and Birth Order in Large Families. Salt Lake City.

If you want information that will better suit a large family this is the article to read. It didn’t stick to the same structure as the rest with only three children but rather focused on families with six or more children and compared the oldest three to the youngest three. From the start it was clear the position that was being taken on the subject and is more structured than the rest. This article also didn’t ignore the information that disputed its theory but rather included it in the findings.

Skolnik, Deborah. Does Birth Order Matter? What Every Person Needs to Know. (2007). CNN Health. http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/family/10/12/par.birth.order/index.html

This article is all about birth order and the parenting styles that parents should take when dealing with each child. One of the previous articles I posted was in the “not that” section based on the fact that it told parents how to parent their children according to the order each was born in. So why is this one different? This one is different because the advice it gives is to do nothing different. Treat them all the same and parent them all the same. Children are impressionable and if parents treat them according to how they assume they will end up, there is a great chance that they will end up that way.

Chen, David., Paulhus, Delroy L., and Trapnell, Paul D. (1999). Birth Order Effects on Personality and Achievements Within Families. Psychology Science. Blackwell Publishing.

I would recommend this study first of all because it is highly credible. Second of all, the study was conducted in a way different than most of the others. Instead of sitting everyone down and having them take personality tests for hours, each sibling rated each other. In the end, the results do support the notion that birth order determines personality traits, but still, at least they had a legit way to perform the study rather than answering questions about yourself that you may lie on to look better.

Welcome!

Hey everyone and welcome to my blog. I will be talking about the myth regarding birth order and that it determines intelligence and personality traits. I will mention both aspects but focus much more on the personality traits.

So what does the myth say? Suppose you were the first born of the family. That means that you are the favorite and most intelligent child and are the most likely to succeed in a high end job such as a doctor or a CEO. And I’m sure most of you have heard of the neglected middle child. It is said that the middle child of the family is mysterious and doesn’t fit in very well with the family and may try to find a job opposite the oldest. And what about the baby of the family? They are said to be the wild child with a free spirit that gets along with almost everyone they meet.

As a middle child myself, I will be disproving this myth to show that each person has their own unique personality that is not determined by the order they were born into their family.